Pathological Demand Avoidance. I linked to a subreddit for this condition, because i find that reading first person experiences can give a better understanding.
and also to quote Wikipedia:
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) or extreme demand avoidance (EDA) is a proposed disorder and sub-type of autism spectrum disorder, defined by characteristics such as a greater-than-typical refusal to comply with requests or expectations and extreme efforts to avoid the social demand.[1] Any expectation, even routine activities or highly desired activities, such as getting ready to leave home to visit a playground, can trigger avoidant behavior. If the demand cannot be avoided, a panic attack or a meltdown may ensue.[2] Depending on an individual's trigger, the intensity of their reactions may differ. Looking at a PDA profile can help determine explanations for the demand avoidance, whether it is internalized or externalized.[3
PDA is a form of autism, and, as this definition states, it is a ‘proposed’ disorder, not necessarily recognized as an official diagnosis by some professionals.
Anything can be a demand - laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, any kind of chore, taking a shower, brushing teeth. Then there’s adult demands like doing taxes, getting oil changed in your car, making and going to doctor’s appointments. The biggest demand of them all is work/your job.
Sometimes the demands are things i actually want to do. i want to write and i want to create. but then this feels like a demand i am putting on myself. i am MAKING myself write, forcing it out of me. and that’s when i feel sick.
When i face a demand, my fight/flight/freeze response is triggered. The severity of the demand determines the severity of my response. Also, if I’m already in a depressed state when a demand is made, then i am much less likely to do said demand (e.g. if I’m going through goblin mode on a Sunday and the dishes need to be washed, then it is likely i will order take out that night instead).
There have been many a time when i have felt severely depressed simply due to the looming demand of work the next day [there’s a great TikTok made by creator Kelso who very succinctly describes this terrifying and legit Sunday ‘scary’].
Work is a huge demand, I don’t want to do the demand because it feels like I am being forced to do something, but I must do the demand because I need money to live - this struggle results in an extreme drop in my mood.
Sometimes PDA is labeled as a Pathological Desire for Autonomy. This hits home for me just as much as ‘demand avoidance’. When i am forced to do something, it feels as if my autonomy is being threatened. And for some reason my autonomy is sacred to me, it always has been, ever since i was little.
so when i was a teen and my mom told me to wear a sweater to school because it was cold, i felt like it was a demand (it was, basically) and that my autonomy wasn’t allowed to be.
not quite sure what the antidote, cure, or treatment for this would be. as of now, i give myself space (too much space) when it comes to doing tasks, chores, or hobbies.